wat bout pragnant strippers??
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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