the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
