What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize