I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
