we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
