Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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