Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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