cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have already put on my inside pants.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
