and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
