but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
