My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
