so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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