I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
