Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
