if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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