Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
