sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
