ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
