This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
