I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
