I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
