I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize