so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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