i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
