omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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