I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
