dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
