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the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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