Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize