hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
