New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
