I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
