I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize