I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
3 2 1 whiskey
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
