So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
