Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
