Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
