Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
