is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
