Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
