He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
