Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
