she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
