So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
