I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
