Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I need to align my fucking chakras
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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