Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
