I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
3 2 1 whiskey
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
