if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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