Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
