i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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