You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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