I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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