yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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