oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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