woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
