there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
