she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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