Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
