did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
