gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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