I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
