I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
