he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
