I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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