Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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