She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
