I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
