I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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