thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
