She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
