the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We are all done wearing pants today
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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