I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
false alarm, still single
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
