Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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