Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
