The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
