You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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